Things I am missing

Not missing in a lost sense. More like stuff I have never had to begin with.

You know that friend who has been with you for a really long time. The one that you can tell anything to and not have to worry about a negative reaction. That person that you worry to, even though you know the worrying is unfounded. I have never had that person. I used to think that I would eventually find this person in the body of a boyfriend and that would be a good indicator that they were marriage material. But then, who do I talk to about the boyfriend? See?

I keep entirely too many of my thoughts inside of my head, they don't get aired out and tossed aside like they are supposed to. This has led me towards a number of inappropriate outbursts over time, and so far they have had very little long term affect. But now I start to worry. My work has become a major part of my life. Up until this point I have kept Private me and work me completely separate and I am starting to think that this is a bad thing. I need friends and work is realistically the most likely place for me to find them. But I don't like going out with coworkers. It makes me uncomfortable. I fear what might be said without me fully thinking things thru. I worry that my thin skin will start to show. At work I am very hard to offend. I work hard at taking everyones statements at face value and avoiding the rumor mill. I don't want to trip into a situation where my job is being affected by rumor.

If I start making real friends out of coworkers then I will violate one of my cardinal rules. Namely that to have close personal relationships with co-workers can be a very dangerous situation. Just as you should never date a coworker due to the impending breakup nastiness having a close personal friend that you work with can wreak havoc on you work performance. Also, I don't tend to be a very good friend. It is not un-heard of for me to go months between talking with friends and family. If I don't have anything interesting going on in my life then I dont feel like I have anything to talk about. And frankly, I lead a pretty boring life. Barry would say otherwise, that we actually lead very interesting lives, but I don't find anything we do all that remarkable. I just don't seem to have the energy to keep up with the friends I do have. Do I really need more?

So yea. I am starting to feel like my isolating ways are working against me and I don't know what to do about it. Shocker there. ;-)